By Alan “Grapefruit Face” Madeleine
From Friday, Feb. 3:
A man and a woman were arrested for violating the public health code (uh-huh) after a traffic stop at 1:49 a.m. (Wonder if they knew each other? – Ed.)
A woman reported that (an) unknown person(s) damaged her vehicle. No time or place given.
A man reported the theft of two car jacks from the side porch of his home in the 2200 block of Caniff.
A man reported that someone stole his vehicle (no description given) while parked near his home in the 3900 block of Prescott. A car was later discovered in Detroit completely stripped. The crime report doesn’t make it fully clear whether this was the same vehicle in question.
A juvenile female reported being assaulted by someone known to her at a location in the 11400 block of Charest.
A man reported that someone broke into his vacant rental property and stole copper pipes from inside. No location was given.
From Saturday, Feb. 4:
A man reported the theft of a green 2000 Honda Civic from in front of his residence somewhere on Edwin (exact location not given).
A man reported a break in at his residence on Miller (exact location not given).
A man reported being threatened by a family member armed with a handgun, while visiting his aunt at her residence on Lumpkin (exact location not given).
A woman reported being assaulted by her boyfriend at Holbrook and Mitchell.
From Sunday, Feb. 5:
A juvenile was arrested for felonious assault after pulling a knife on another juvenile who resided at a home in the 2300 block of Botsford.
From Monday, Feb. 6:
Two men were arrested as disorderly persons for fighting inside the Sanaa Party Store at 2302 Carpenter.
A man was arrested during a traffic accident investigation for multiple warrants and driving on a suspended license.
A woman was arrested at CVS Pharmacy for the shoplifting of 29 greeting cards and for being in possession of an open bottle of liquor. She also had two previous Hamtramck warrants.
A man was arrested at Veterans Park for possession of drugs, and for attempting to burglarize the stadium bleachers.
A man was cited for littering after dropping a spray can in the west Conant alley at Hanley. (You go, Banksy. – Ed.)
From Tuesday, Feb. 7:
A man was arrested after his sister reported that he assaulted her at Gallagher and Doremus.
A juvenile male was arrested on a domestic violence charge after his brother reported being assaulted by him at their home in the 3900 block of Trowbridge.
Berkley police recovered a stolen Dodge Caravan. The owner, a Hamtramck resident, was notified.
A woman reported that she was robbed at gunpoint of $50 by two tall, thin black males while driving in her car at Botsford and Fleming at 8:30 a.m.
An employee at Walter’s Party Store at 12197 Conant reported that a woman cashed a phony H&R Block tax refund check at the store in the amount of $6,720.50. (Ouch – Ed.)
Someone reported seeing a black male cutting a catalytic converter off of a vehicle near 2400 Denton. The suspect fled the scene in a blue Mercury with a temporary license tag in the window.
A woman reported that she accidently left her wallet on the front counter while at the Sunoco station at 8926 Jos. Campau, and someone stole it. (You don’t say. – Ed.)
An employee of Child Protective Services reported a suspected criminal sexual conduct case involving a juvenile.
From Wednesday, Feb. 8:
A woman reported that her daughter had an incident at her school where a boy attempted to kiss her forcibly. (And it’s not even spring yet! – Ed.)
A man reported that his DTE meter was stolen from off of his house in the 3100 block of Goodson.
A woman reported that someone stole her vehicle from the parking lot of her workplace, Hanley International Academy at 2400 Denton.
From Thursday, Feb. 9:
A man reported that someone had stolen his 1994 Dodge Caravan from in front of 3845 Holbrook, between Conant & Buffalo, at about 11:10 p.m. the night of the 8th.
A woman reported that an unknown person had used her Social Security number to file a fraudulent tax return.
Two men were arrested within an hour of each other for urinating in public, one on Conant near Caniff, the other on Conant near Casmere. (Well, when you gotta go… — Ed.)
A man was placed under arrest at Celina’s Sports Bar after he assaulted another patron there.
A man was arrested in the 2600 block of Yemans after neighbors complained several times about him creating a disturbance.
Officers responded to an alarm at 12146 Nagel, and found both the front and back doors open. They checked inside and then secured the building. It was not made clear in the report whether the structure was lived in or abandoned.
From Friday, Feb. 10:
A woman living in the 3000 block of Hanley reported receiving threatening phone calls from an unknown person.
A man was transported by Hamtramck EMS to Detroit Receiving Hospital after it was reported that he took “10 hits of acid.” (Dude! Bogus! – Ed.)
Officers recovered a Ford at 2400 Denton that had been reported stolen by Detroit police.
A student was treated by Hamtramck EMS and then released to his parents after reportedly taking some muscle relaxants, and passing out during school.
A woman filed a complaint that Mo Money Taxes at 10334 Jos. Campau had re-directed her tax return into a different account and then would not turn the refund money over to her, which she felt was hers.
From Saturday, Feb. 11:
A woman living in the 2300 block of Danforth was stabbed by her husband during an altercation. She was treated at the scene for minor injuries by EMS.
A man was transported to Detroit Receiving Hospital after allegedly taking several vicodin.
From Sunday, Feb. 12:
A woman living in the 2600 block of Yemans reported the theft of her 1998 Jeep from in front of her residence.
At 6 p.m., a man was arrested for vehicular manslaughter following a hit-and-run accident in which one man was killed and another injured. The injured man was transported to Detroit Receiving Hospital, and the suspect’s car, a 1998 Pontiac, was impounded as evidence. (See corresponding article. – Ed.)
From Monday, Feb. 13:
Officers responded to a home with an open door in the 2600 block of Commor, but found no one inside. They secured the door as best they could.
A man was found bleeding from a head wound near Mackay and Holmes. He appeared intoxicated and seemed to have fallen off a bicycle. He was taken by EMS to Detroit Receiving Hospital.
A man was arrested for being drunk and for obstruction after he caused a disturbance the New Dodge Lounge, 8850 Jos. Campau, and also for refusing to provide his name during booking at the station.
A person involved with the New St. John Missionary Baptist Church at 3901 Miller reported that (an) unknown person(s) caused damage at that address.
A man came into the station to report damage to 11387 Lumpkin. The type and extent of the damage were not given in the police report.
A woman was transported to the Detroit Receiving Hospital Crisis Center, after officers were able to determine that she had not been taking her medication, and she claimed she had an urge to harm others.
A woman who is an attorney claimed that a person known to her pulled his car up to her home’s driveway and blocked it, preventing her from backing out. She states that she told him several times that she would see him at court, and not at her home.
From Tuesday, Feb. 14:
A man came into the police station to report the theft of pipes and fixtures from a property he owns in the 2400 block of Alice.
Officers recovered a stolen Dodge Caravan. The owner was notified.
Eastpointe police reported the recovery of a vehicle stolen in Hamtramck. The vehicle was towed here and the owner notified. Year and type of vehicle not given in the police report.
(And to think… school isn’t even out yet! – Ed.)